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I never thought I would live in Fresno. After spending my first 18 years in a town of about 100,000, I was ready for something bigger and better, and in my mind, bigger and better meant places like Los Angeles, New York or San Francisco. When I moved here in 2009 for school my goal was to be in and out of here in four years. I didn’t like the fog or that the air smelled like manure or the fact that I felt like there was nothing to do on the weekends. Fresno reminded me too much of where I grew up, and it didn’t have the “bigger and better” sparkle I was looking for.
After graduation I faced a dilemma: where to go and what to do. Do I follow my parents and relocate across the country with them? Do I move back to my hometown and try to catch up on what happened there the last four years? Do I go somewhere new and start all over again?
Fresno seemed like the safest bet. I had friends here, I knew where the closest Target was and I had a church I was somewhat connected to. But even though I knew it was probably the most realistic choice, my heart felt a little bitterness toward the fact that I was staying here.
About a year after deciding to stay in Fresno I came across Psalm 37:3-4, which says:
Trust in the LORD, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
This passage shattered my “living by the beach in L.A.” dream. I realized that through this journey I never stopped to ask the Lord His plan for my life. Dwelling in the land and befriending faithfulness was the last thing on my mind. While I was dreaming of what I wanted and what I thought was best for me, I was missing out on all the opportunities for good that the Lord was placing in front of me in Fresno. The community, the job I miraculously got, and the friends I made had been overshadowed by my need to control my life and live how I wanted.
So I decided to try and “dwell in the land” by joining a Life Group, getting out to meet new people and being more intentional to listen to what the Lord was stirring in my heart. In those times where I desired to be living somewhere else I tried to focus on the Lord’s command to trust Him, and I slowly saw my mindset shift. My heart softened toward this dear city, and I was able to start seeing the miraculous things God is doing here – things we are all called to be a part of!
I can now honestly say I don’t regret staying in Fresno. The ways the Lord has taken care of me and grown me during my time here would take too many hours to write. By delighting in the Lord I learned the importance of surrendering my need for control and giving the Lord the reins. Delighting in Him doesn’t mean I’ll get my every wish and desire granted, but it does mean I will be taken care of, and whatever happens is what is best for me.
Surrendering to God is not easy and is always scary, but good will always come from it – even if the good involves dirty air and heavy fog.