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My relationship with the Lord started when I was 9 years old. As a kid I was confident in God’s sovereignty and His deep abiding love for me. I have never questioned that at all. Even at the ripe old age of 9, I knew I needed a Savior and did not want a life separated from God by my sin. Thanks to God’s grace, Christ’s death on the cross and His resurrection, I became a child of God.
Then I grew up and my true trust in what I believed was tested big time.
I was married with two little girls, and my husband decided he wanted to be a police officer for the City of Fresno. That same year, my dear grandmother died at Easter, and my mother developed breast cancer and died that Thanksgiving. 1985 was a rough year and I was only 28 years old. To say my faith in God was tested is a gross understatement.
Did I tell you I have trust issues? Yeah, I do. My sweet husband choosing to become a cop, even back in the 1980s, was one giant test of my trust in God. But losing my grandmother and my mother that same year rocked me.
I had a choice. Do I turn away from the God of my youth or do I really choose to trust Him? With everything.
Up until that point I don’t believe my trust in God had been tested. Not really. But I was becoming scared and stressed. My husband working nights in downtown Fresno was huge. I was walking through a giant grief process of my own, and as the firstborn of three younger sisters also struggling with the deaths in our family, the load was overwhelming. Not to mention the wreck my father was after losing his wife of 35 years.
I wondered if God was powerful enough for all of this mess. He had a big job to help me with. Could God really handle all of this?
Of course! He could and He did. The Bible talks about the Holy Spirit being our comforter. During this stress-filled time my paradigm was shifted. Not only was God completely trustworthy, but I also had the comfort and intercession of the Holy Spirit as I grieved.
Some people become very angry with God during trials in life. Seeing God in the joy is easy to engage with. But I have also experienced that God’s very real presence and peace is in the rough stuff. I’ve learned during my walk with God that He is not only in the joy with me, but He is in the grief with me. He is in the mess with me. And I can always trust Him.