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In a hushed tone “momma....momma”.
You slowly open your eyes just a crack and catch a glimpse of your 3 year old daughter, standing at your bedside with her blanket and a bad case of bed head. Longing for just a few more minutes of sleep, you allow your eyes to close again.
A little more insistent, “Momma, I hungy”. Now she is gently tapping you on the forehead.
You keep your eyes closed tight hoping maybe she will relent and crawl into bed with you even for just a moment.
You feel her fingers start to explore your face. She pries open one eye....and then the other. Peers inside and starts to sing, “Momma, momma, I’m hungy, hungy, hungy.”
As you realize that she is not going to give up, you drag yourself out of bed and begin your day. Your three year old dances her way into the kitchen singing all the while.
I can’t tell you how many of my mornings began just like this one. Honestly, I didn’t always cherish it like I should have. One of my goals as a mother was to show my children the face of Jesus, but I’m pretty sure thats not the face they saw in those pre-dawn meetings. I dare say I may have even resented that sweet little face staring back at mine asking me to meet yet another need.
As a young mother, it is so easy to feel completely drained; physically, emotionally, spiritually. I don’t believe there is another job on the planet that is so taxing in ALL those areas. So the question is: “How can a mommy fill her 'tank'?”
Years ago, (when I had just four children ages 5, 3, 1 and newborn) I was involved in an intergenerational bible study at my church. Honestly, attending this study was both encouraging and discouraging at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I loved this bible study. I loved gaining wisdom from all the ladies in my group whose children were grown and gone; Ladies who had far more life experience than I and who loved the Lord with all their hearts. I loved hearing their stories of their time with the Lord, their hours spent in His word over a hot cup of coffee and a scone....OK, thats the part I didn’t love. I began to feel guilt for showing up with my empty answers and the feeling that the fact that all my kids were wearing shoes this morning was a victory.
I remember praying that God would allow me to meet Him in the morning like all of these other ladies had been doing so that I could get filled. I put my bible on my nightstand and set my alarm. And time and time again, no matter how quiet I was, one of my little ones would awaken and need me. I remember being so frustrated when my children would wake up and interrupt my “God time”. And I remember feeling defeated because things weren’t working out the way I had planned.
It didn’t take long for God to help me understand that meeting Him in the morning was MY plan, not HIS. God knew where I was, He knew how many children I had, what time they would wake up, what they would need from me... He also knew what He had planned for my future and that my relationship with Him needed to change. I realized that God was available at other times beside the morning. I realized that I could have an ongoing conversation with Him all day, if I chose. I realized that I didn’t have to be in a room alone to read God’s word.
I began to make a change. I would open my bible to the verses that we were studying and leave it on my kitchen counter with my study open next to it. While my kids were eating breakfast, I would read a few verses and maybe even answer a question. I would do the same at lunch or any other spare moment I had throughout the day.
An amazing thing started to happen. I began to feel filled. I felt my attitude about my children change. I felt like I had the emotional and spiritual energy to give back to them.
It reminds me of a problem we had in our garden. In gardening, there are different kinds of soil. We live in an area that has very sandy soil. When we planted our garden we installed irrigation that would flood the area once a day. We planted and watered. Our plants grew for a little while and then wilted and died. We realized that this form of watering was not appropriate for our soil. When we went out in the evening, the soil was completely dry. We decided to change the way we were watering. We change from flood irrigation to drip irrigation. We laid hoses along every row and made small holes in the hose at the base of every plant so that the water would drip out a little at a time all throughout the day. The plants grew and flourished with our new system. They needed slow saturation throughout the day.
Since that time when I was lucky if I remembered to brush my hair, God has blessed us with six more children. He prepared me beforehand for everything He had planned for my future. He knew that I would need constant slow saturation of His word. I love that God knows me. I love that He satisfies my needs. I love knowing that God is close to me all throughout my day. I love that my children see my bible open, I love that I can seek His wisdom at a moment’s notice, and I love that I can have an impromptu chat with the loving God in the midst of changing diapers and making lunches.