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Have you ever replayed a bad decision over and over? Have you had a bad parenting day or walked away from a conversation wishing it had gone differently? I personally have done this several, if not countless, times in my life. I have often beaten myself up from past wrongdoings and dwelled on sin until it just seemed to become a part of who I am.
About two years into my parenting journey I had all but convinced myself that my sin and shortcomings were my cross to bear. I remember telling a good friend of mine that some people just aren’t great at being patient. I had tried, prayed and even begged Jesus to change me. The struggles I had remained, so I began to believe the lie that this was just what the Lord had for me.
Thankfully though, the Word says something different. 1 Samuel 16:13 says, “And the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon David from that day forward,” speaking to the day the Lord anoints David as king. David, the man who made numerous and sometimes fatal mistakes in his life, and yet, is called a man after God’s own heart.
I read this and something in me shifted. The Spirit that rushed into David, who guided his thoughts and attitude, that is the same Holy Spirit that dwells inside of all who claim Jesus as their Savior. It forced me to ask the question, “If I believed my sin defined me, was I acting as one who walked in the spirit of light and truth?”
I thought perfection was the goal, and God was not big enough to fix me where I fell short. The truth is, though, I am broken and that is right where He wants me. Romans 7:18 says, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.” But the Holy Spirit who dwells in me is working for my good, chipping away at the darkness within. When I choose to listen to the Holy Spirit I can hear God’s heart for my life. I can hear that His strength and grace are made known in my weakness.
What I know now is I am not alone on this journey to be like Jesus. His Spirit lives in me, helping me to be more like Him. I will fail and even disappoint those I treasure the most, but that does not define me. Nor does the Lord want me to replay sin He has already paid for. What does define me is the person and work of Jesus Christ. The work that the Holy Spirit continues to do in and through me is mighty. This is not because of my doing, but because I chose to shine the light of Jesus in. The Lord can handle my shortcomings and even use them for His victories.
Is there guilt or shame that you are holding onto? Can I encourage you to give it to Jesus, knowing that He has sent a Helper to guide us through? He died for our sins. Hand them over and see that when we are weak, then we are strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).